Thursday, May 20, 2010

Almost there

Perhaps this has been the longest two weeks of my life. And, I've had a lot of long two weeks, my friends. But the wait between our first and second ultrasounds has proven to be longer than any post-IVF wait, it's been longer than any "my husband will be home in two weeks" wait, it has certainly been longer than the "in two weeks we move to _________" wait and any two-week notice I've ever given. It's just the longest two weeks ever. And yet here we are on the eve of our second ultrasound.
Greg is uber excited. Last night while watching television he looks at me and says "only 35 more hours."
"Huh?" I said, thinking he was referring to something on CSI New York.
"35 more hours until we hear heartbeats," he said.
My husband is the eternal optomist. His glass is always half full -- of beer -- no less. He's a jolly, happy guy and he always sees the best in people and situations. So of course, he thinks that other little sac has had a growth spurt and will show up on the ultrasound tomorrow as a surprise to our doctor, but not to Greg because he knew all along.
And, while I have a sense that things are going well, I'm not willing to make such predictions. I feel good, I haven't had any spotting and though I've had some interesting twinges and pulls in that area, I have read that is completely normal. My pregnancy symptoms that I listed last week are still there, though, thankfully, I have not experienced any nausea. I am hopeful that all is well in there, but terrified that this sense of well-being is premature and that I could be wrong.
Yet I can't wait to get in there and to see(and hear?)what's going on. Though these past two weeks have been long and time has seemed to crawl by, there have been moments when I've found myself happy to be in this prolonged state of ignorance. I've always been one who believes in living in the moment and enjoying each moment. But infertility has taken some of that away from me because it's very difficult to live in the moment when you're always planning what your next move should be or looking ahead to the next cycle or, even worse, reflecting on the last failure. I feel like this pregnancy has given me a little bit of my old self back. I've truly enjoyed each moment of this journey so far, even during the longest two weeks ever.


  1. Wishing you the sound of wonderful heartbeats tomorrow.

  2. Sending you wonderful thoughts for tomorrow!