Monday, May 3, 2010

Trying to avoid the undertow

It's difficult to put into words the emotions I've been feeling these past few days. Since we got our BFP, I've been calm on the surface but underneath, I'm more like a swirling undercurrent made of equal parts eleation and worry.
Even though I am trying to think positive thoughts and not worry, those dark little thouhts sneak into my head. I try to banish those thoughts and they will go away for a while, but then they regroup and attack again.
I thought of buying some pregnancy tests this weekend for reassurance as I wait for the ultrasound, but decided against it. Instead, I decided to have faith that all is well in there.
It has been a lonely few days here for me with Greg gone and no real friends here. I spent the weekend working, doing a little gardening and a little shopping and consulting with Dr. Google, who doesn't know nearly enough. I did go out to dinner with a coworker on Saturday night, which was a total surprise. She even treated me a piece of Key Lime pie to celebrate my good news.
Yesterday my neighbor offered to mow the grass and that is a relief since I wasn't about to get out there and mow it myself (even though I'm sure it couldn't hurt anything. If something should go wrong in the future, I don't want to have to mentally beat myself up for doing something like mowing grass).
I haven't really experienced any symptoms yet. My breasts are tender, but they have been for a few weeks now. Yesterday, I couldn't think of one thing I wanted to eat even though I was hungry, but I'm not sure if that's a symptom or a result of having to eat every meal (except that one on Saturday night) alone for the past week. I hope that time will pass a little more quickly for me this week as I anticipate the ultrasound on Friday.


  1. Those are 100% normal feelings. That is a long wait between betas and u/s. And you are alone too. I wish we lived closer, I would totally come over and hang out with you! :)

  2. I may have already said this before, but this wait between the beta and the u/s has been the worst--more worse than any 2WW I've ever experienced.

    I've been exhausted lately. Like, when I get home from my field hours in the evenings, I eat a little something and then CRASH. Last week I did have a morning where I think my blood sugar dropped--I got a little woozy and started trembling. I did have some OJ and some granola and it seemed to do the trick, so I'm trying to remind myself to bring snacks to work and pay attention to them. Like you, I'm not really feeling many symptoms, so I totally forget to pay attention to those kinds of needs. And yeah, my boobs are sore, but they've been that way for weeks, thanks to these hormones...

    My u/s is Thursday. HURRY UP, THURSDAY! (And Friday for you!) Hang in there. You're not alone in your anxiousness for this week to end...

  3. I agree, my wait between beta and first u/s was FAR worse than my 2ww. I drove myself crazy, and convinced myself I had a molar pregnancy! All I could do was think about my upcoming u/s. Best wishes getting through the worried thoughts! I am NO good at getting rid of them myself, but maybe it will help to know you're not alone.

    I can't wait to hear about your u/s Friday! It will be an extremely happy day for you!

  4. I remember having those same feelings of worry & doubt...I think it is a part of IF that continues to haunt us ladies even after getting that glorious BFP, we just feel it's all too good to be true. Try to keep the faith & stay strong...I'm sure everything will turn out well:)

  5. I'm a little late catching up on my reading but I see that you are pregnant!!!! YAYYYYYYY! I am so very happy for you and wish you a H & H 9. I understand your worries. Stay positive hon and enjoy. You. Are. Pregnant!