It's difficult to put into words the emotions I've been feeling these past few days. Since we got our BFP, I've been calm on the surface but underneath, I'm more like a swirling undercurrent made of equal parts eleation and worry.
Even though I am trying to think positive thoughts and not worry, those dark little thouhts sneak into my head. I try to banish those thoughts and they will go away for a while, but then they regroup and attack again.
I thought of buying some pregnancy tests this weekend for reassurance as I wait for the ultrasound, but decided against it. Instead, I decided to have faith that all is well in there.
It has been a lonely few days here for me with Greg gone and no real friends here. I spent the weekend working, doing a little gardening and a little shopping and consulting with Dr. Google, who doesn't know nearly enough. I did go out to dinner with a coworker on Saturday night, which was a total surprise. She even treated me a piece of Key Lime pie to celebrate my good news.
Yesterday my neighbor offered to mow the grass and that is a relief since I wasn't about to get out there and mow it myself (even though I'm sure it couldn't hurt anything. If something should go wrong in the future, I don't want to have to mentally beat myself up for doing something like mowing grass).
I haven't really experienced any symptoms yet. My breasts are tender, but they have been for a few weeks now. Yesterday, I couldn't think of one thing I wanted to eat even though I was hungry, but I'm not sure if that's a symptom or a result of having to eat every meal (except that one on Saturday night) alone for the past week. I hope that time will pass a little more quickly for me this week as I anticipate the ultrasound on Friday.