Monday, February 22, 2010

Chasing sheep

Dear Rowan,
This is one of my favorite photos from when we lived in Italy. I was out on our patio planting some geraniums in window boxes when I heard a strange noise, which sounded to me like an odd chain saw. At first, the sound was very faint, but it gradually got louder and I realized it wasn't a chain saw at all. It was a herd of sheep coming down the street!
I was wearing my house slippers, but I knew I had very little time to grab my camera and get the shot. So I took off down the street in my slippers, camera in hand, chasing that herd of sheep.
This is the best shot from that morning. In it, you can see the red markings on the backs of the sheep and you can see a baby sheep on the left trying to get a drink of milk.
In Italy, there was beauty everywhere. I rarely left the house without my camera for fear of missing a shot like this one. I was in constant awe of my surroundings and it seemed I learned something new about the Italians and their way of life every day.
I miss feeling that sense of wonder and adventure. Life in Northwestern Louisiana is not quite as wonderful or adventurous -- despite the tornadoes, the alligators and the unbelievable prejudice that persists here.
When we moved here and found Dr. V., I told myself, "this is why you're here." But, now I'm not so sure. My life lacks the purpose that it had before and it has been very hard for me to see the beauty in my life here.
I suppose it's up to me to find that sense of purpose and to seek out beauty where it doesn't seem to exist. For the past few months, I've been wishing my life away -- wishing we were back in Italy or wishing we were home in N.C. or wishing you were here. But I have failed to live in the moment. I have failed to find friendship or purpose in my life in this new place. That has got to change.
So, I have to find a way to move on from this quicksand of our failed cycle -- I need to find something fullfilling, something inspiring, something that gives me a sense of wonder.
Perhaps this photo will serve as inspiration.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, I can really relate to the need find something fulfilling. To make ourselves more than infertility, it's just another part of the ride I guess. What a beautiful photo! Thanks for sharing it! - Jess