Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I've been bad

Here we are, knocking on April's door and a few weeks away from our upcoming FET and here I am sitting here at my computer drinking a cup of coffee. Not the decaf stuff I usually switch to a month or so before IVF, the regular kind that lures you out of your bed each morning and says, "hey, maybe today won't be so bad. At least you have me."
A friend once described coffee as her dark mistress, which I think is hilarious and true in a strange sort of way. My favorite line from the animated flick Open Season is when Elliott, the character voiced by Aston Kutcher, finds a cup of coffee in the dumpster. He takes a sip, "Yuck. Yuck. Yuck! It's terrible and wonderful at the same time! It's like freedom in a cup!" And, much to my husband's annoyance, I often quote this line after my first sip in the morning. He doesn't get it because he doesn't like coffee. But, whenever I roll that one out in front of a true coffee lover, they always laugh along with me. It's so true.
So, in other words, I do not want to live without my coffee, but I have given it up from time to time when doing IVF. Most of the time I wean myself off of the good stuff and slowly make the switch from half-caf to decaf.
But, this time, well I just haven't had the motivation -- yet. I have set April 1 as the date that I bid my dark mistress adieu.
My other confession: I've been drinking wine. Not lots of wine, mind you. Just a glass here or there after work or with dinner. And a couple of glasses at a friend's house during dinner over the weekend. It's a nice way to relax sometimes.
It's not that I don't care about this upcoming FET. I do. I mean, if it works, well, that would be a fabulous little miracle and I would not let an ounce of caffeine (or wine for that matter) pass my lips until said miracle is delivered. But this FET is different from IVF in that I'm not actively trying to produce a crapload of high-quality eggs. I'm merely trying to show up on transfer day with a nutrient rich uterine lining and most of my sanity in tact. Therefore, I haven't really been thinking a lot about this cycle. I've been more focused on these darn Praxis exams and formulating back up plans in my mind if this teaching thing doesn't work out.
And, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe because I haven't been dwelling on the pending cycle the pregnancy will be able to sneak up on me. ha ha. Maybe my self-sabotaging brain will take the bait and chase after this mid-life career change instead of chasing it's proverbial tail around and around my FET. And, maybe my body will just do what it's supposed to do -- under the influence of caffeine or not.


  1. It does seem like FET would be a little more "relaxed." I would be doing the same as you in your position! Enjoy the wine and coffee for now.

  2. I totally understand where you are coming from. The one time I actually managed to get pg with IUI I didn't cut out caffeine etc prior to getting my BFP. I honestly think that b/c I was just so relaxed about it and not freaking out over this and that..is precisely why I got pg that time. Same thing happened with another friend of mine - diagnosed with unexplained infertility after 1.5 yr of ttc and she finally says to hell with it and starts drinking etc and low and behold...a BFP! I really hope this works for you! I think your attitude will be helpful so more power to you!

  3. I actually had the same experience as Just Me..C. After cutting out absolutely everything for a Fresh IVF, a FET, 2 IUIs by our 3rd IUI I was less concerned about my switch to decaf and the occasional glass of wine. My husband swears because I was so much more relaxed and didn't put a lot of pressure on myself for the cycle, that we finally got our wish.

  4. I hear you on the coffee...I was just saying to a co-worker today how much I miss it, but I wouldn't dare drink it now. I'd say keep enjoying it while you can, like you said when precious baby comes you'll have to be off it long enough! I also miss wine, but not nearly as much as I miss the coffee...completely worth it though don't get me wrong:)

  5. I've tabled coffee for now, and it's been tough. I'm ususally a one-cup-in-the-morning girl, and it's amazing how much I miss just that little bit. Especially with the drugs giving me a nasty headache--the kind that feels like a good cup of coffee would kick it. This weekend I went out and bought a decaf just to see if I could trick myself with a little placebo effect. Nope, didn't work. ;)

    Relaxing is good! Keep your head there!