We have arrived at our transfer day with little fanfare. My uterine lining has been nicely prepped and measured 12 mm last Monday so that was my last ultrasound, though I did go in for blood work on Friday.
I told Nurse Cindy that every IVF cycle should be as easy as an FET. Sometimes I even forget I'm doing a cycle and that never happens with IVF, as most of you who read this well know.
So, today is the day that we try to salvage something good from our third round of IVF. I had an e-mail message from my friend B this morning wishing us luck and offering her prayers. B can finally see a light at the end of her infertility journey -- she and her husband will be adopting a baby boy when he is born in May. This follows years of infertility, a half dozen IVFs, numerous miscarriages (including the most recent in March) and the tragic death of her still born daughter. She is so hopeful and so happy to have moved on to adoption.
And I can't help but wonder if maybe we shouldn't do the same thing. I feel like if this FET doesn't work, we need to sit down and have a real conversation about whether we're willing to roll these crappy IVF dice again. Or, is it time to consider other options. For so long, we've said we would cross that bridge when we come to it, but the hard part about that is knowing when you've arrived at the foot of that bridge. Who is to say when it is time to throw in the towel on your own genetic material and start looking for other paths to parenthood?
And still that little glimmer of hope remains for this FET to work, for a pregnancy to begin and grow.
Mama called this morning to wish me luck. The last thing she said was that she would send me two guardian angels.
"Make it two really good ones," I said. "I'm going to need all the help I can get."